How to Build Energetic Autonomy, and Why It Matters
We all have a unique energetic blueprint; our own vibrational frequency that runs through us, which is as unique as our fingerprint. There is immense possibility, freedom, and empowerment when we align with our inner frequency and engage in the world from our centered Self. I like to call this Energetic Autonomy. That which energetically makes you, you; and me, me, remains intact and sovereign in all instances of relating.
Often in our lives –and particularly in relationships– we can tend to go outside of ourselves and mix into the space of another in the attempt to fit in, belong, be accepted, make the other person feel comfortable, and a host of other reasons. For example, someone with a care-taking personality may find a sense of purpose in helping others, but often at the expense of neglecting their own needs. Or someone with low self-esteem will look to others for social cues on how to act, think, or feel, and probably struggles to know the truth of their own heart. Maybe someone is super independent and empowered in one area of their life, like their business, and then in their intimate relationships they give up their power. Or in the reverse case, a person stands up for themself in romantic relationship, but feels micromanaged and disempowered at work.
Through the lens of therapy, this blending of personal boundaries between Self and other is called enmeshment. From an energetic standpoint, it is like shape shifting – shifting out of one’s attuned frequency of Self to take on the frequency of another person or environment. The switch can be so automatic and subtle that we don’t even realize it’s happening; and then seemingly out of nowhere we might feel slightly less ourselves, weighted down, or maybe disempowered in some way. Whether it’s a conscious process or not, the moment we relinquish our autonomy, we miss the opportunity to bring all of who we are to the space in which we are relating.
This occurs all the time in our human experience of interacting – so if you notice that it happens to you, be gentle with yourself! There’s nothing inherently wrong with going off-center. Start with an attitude of non-judgement and compassion, and just observe what comes up for you in these instances. There may be feelings of uneasiness, disappointment, grief, sadness, frustration, anger, overwhelm, disconnect, or ambivalence… Whatever the emotion, it’s a wayshower, signaling to you that something is off-balance and needs tending to in order to bring the scales back into balance.
To explore further, I invite you to reflect on the following questions:
In what kind of situations or relationships do I notice I lose my autonomy?
What am I seeking outside of myself in those situations?
What feelings arise when I realize I’ve overridden my needs or abandoned Self?
How can I act to restore balance and reclaim the parts of myself that I've neglected?
What does self-empowerment and autonomy look like to me?
This last inquiry is a potent one. Getting really clear about how you want to see yourself, from a place of truth and authenticity, paves the way to self-realization. The image and felt-sense you hold of your sovereign Self is like a lighthouse in the dark, reminding you of your own luminescence and unique expression of energy in the world.
There are also many practices that can help you strengthen your energetic autonomy and connection to Self – from meditation, breath work, and self-reflection, to therapy-based parts work, alternative healing modalities,